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"How Does It Feel?"

Short fiction about being caught gay in the 80s.   - Red Noise Collective How Does It Feel?   The boys had come from the beach, were washing up in the bathtub just off the deck. By eight, Evan could already ride the big waves, had his own custom-made five-foot board, was on the way to becoming a pro surfer, like all his brothers. Darren was not a surfer, pro or otherwise. He body-surfed or boogie-boarded alongside the boys in the deep water or waited on the beach with the girls.  Evan started it, that gorgeous touching and trying in the sudsy warm bathtub. Darren had hesitated. He was two years older and more aware of his wrongness in relation to the order of things. But ultimately, the holy symmetry of it compelled him: A body separate, but so like his own. They found a way to float and do it, breathing shallow to keep their lungs from sinking, toes and fingers clinging to the glazed blue Mexican tiles above the water line.  Are you guilty if you don’t know what you...

"I Am Thinking About AIDS" - On the Occasion of World AIDS Day

A flash memoir about the legacy of AIDS in Gen X bodies.    - Red Noise Collective I Am Thinking About AIDS     I am thinking about AIDS. I am thinking about AIDS and space. A mentor of mine once remarked about the proliferation of muscle queens in early-90s San Francisco, “They have to make up space for the ones who are gone.” My mentor was then very slim and lithe. He began showing symptoms shortly thereafter and became almost unrecognizably over-muscled himself. I am thinking about how I pull my limbs towards my torso so as not to take up too much space. I am thinking about how I am learning to expand instead. I am thinking about a day on the beach in the early 80s, when my dad told me with tears in his eyes that his friend Dick had died but had never told my father he was sick. I am thinking that mom and dad really loved Dick but didn’t know how. I am thinking how they thought he was cool but were also afraid of him. I remember thinking then that I knew why Dick ...